Waves, Particles, Your Doggie, and the Tao;
or, Where in the Wolrd is Your Aura Today?

Some scientists refer to the auric field as a mass of plasmic goo, comprised of tiny, subatomic particles which simultaneously move in clouds. Other scientists suggest that this plasma exists somewhere as a state between energy and matter. It is generally agreed that there are fields of semi-permeable membranes, observable and measurable, which surround the human body and all matter – both animate and inanimate. These fields not only surround the body, they interact within and without the body, carrying information within the bloodstream, the tissues and organs and glands and meridians – as well as providing connecting circuitry to fields of energy and information outside the body.

I had what I now call an "auric meltdown" – a spontaneous Kundalini-type spiritual awakening in New York City in 1989. While walking along the street, pushing my baby in her pram, the "I" which I experienced as a separate identity suddenly ceased to exist, and I began to merge with all beings everywhere. I was aware that my breasts were leaking as I was late in nursing my daughter, and I was aware, as well, that there was a body, still filled, it seemed, with pregnancy fatigue and lactation, with extra pounds and fatigue and irritability, and then suddenly, there was no body, no mind, no one to whom this description could be tethered. I was a quivering glob of protoplasm.

The sudden loss of identity was accompanied, unbidden, by a wave of ecstasy and love that cannot be described. It needed no object to which to attach. It just was. There was a sense of the street melting, and an exquisite love for others that was delightful and pure, the sweetest feeling imaginable. This feeling morphed into an awareness that everyone reflected back to me my own sweetness, and as I beheld another, I could only say within the realms of a silent heart: ""Oh, you sweet, sweet darling, you dear, dear One." It was as if the heart could not contain the maternal care with which it was consumed. It was God as Grandmother. God as Grandfather. God as doting sweetness, formless, and infinitely vast.

So on Third Avenue, the "I" became an "it" and this It became formless and weightless and exquisite. At the same time, an Awareness arose which had a baby, had a cold, had breasts, had a husband, and had knowledge of a dinner to be cooked and a diaper to be changed.

This Awareness took over for many months, and this love, this longing, took me to my teacher, to Ganeshpuri, India, and to the inner world of meditation. On my meditation mat I could soar around the solar system. I could visit many lokas, or places, see vast universes in the shining brilliance of a tiny blue dot, a blue pearl, constantly swimming in my inner vision, smell gardenias and magnolias, and taste honeyed nectar dripping down my throat. My body became slim and muscled with yoga postures, and I slept very little, awakening spontaneously at brahmamuhurta, the still point of the night, the time each morning at 4:00 a.m. when God called me to my mat.

But the most astonishing awareness arose because all phenomena at that time were seen as tiny particles of blue light, which at times became somewhat irritating. I literally was unable to see form as anything other than particles of light. These particles rose up around all matter – all beings, as circles of light, or as simply "people" themselves. I would rub my eyes as if they were gritty. Often, when I closed my eyes, and opened them again, the "particulate" type vision would stop, and I would see what I had previously identified as matter, but matter with sheen around it. This too would annoy me! It wasn't what I had previously expected. Little did I know I was seeing auras and lights and halos and quantum particles adorably named by physicists with monikers such as 'tao' and 'neutrino' and 'lepton' and 'quark'.

I became accustomed to this loss of identifiable boundaries of self/other, a wobbly merging of shimmering lights when I looked at someone, a blurry wave of light when I looked away. The blue pearl shimmered in front of my awareness like a blue dot, sometimes expanding into waves of light exploding around each human being, sometimes calming into the classical waves of auric bands described by researchers such as Valerie Hunt or Barbara Brennan.

I was unaware of the actual moment this seeing was 'lost'. Much later I was to learn the names of these so-called bio-fields: etheric, causal, emotional, mental, causal, astral, and morphogenic. Approximately ten years later, upon meeting Donna Eden, I was to learn about the "habit field" and the colors of the aura, something I was unwittingly experiencing through my meditation and awakening experience, and something I would regretfully not experience so easily again.

This awareness has slowly vanished over the years, but when I am really tired it will return. This is why I tell my clients they see auras. I know everyone sees auras. It is literally impossible not to! A meditation practice pretty much guarantees some awareness with at least one of the senses.

In order to facilitate this particular "seeing", I tell my students and clients to do the following: stare at a light bulb (obviously not too bright!), then close their eyes. The halo around the bulb in their field of vision is called an aura. They are constantly seeing this, whether their awareness is registering it or not. And no matter how many scientists are labeling the bio-fields as etheric or causal or supra-causal, the aura is registering by measurable occipital, neurological phenomena in each and every individual's brain. And to accentuate this experience, the individual can add meditation and spiritual practice of some form as a sort of "slam dunk" guarantee to seeing and feeling these inner and outer lights. Developing intuition and extra-sensory 'seeing' is available to anyone with the desire and the discipline to sit daily, looking behind the eyes at the subtle lights and the gorgeous play of consciousness just waiting to entertain the seeker. We are beings of light, surrounded by light. Waves and particles, particles and waves, we are Prakriti and Purusha, the Field and the Knower of the Field, as the ancient Vedic scriptures so eloquently say. Playing in the aura is the best way to experience our true self. It is the only way to go.

Published in Inner Resources Magazine, Winter 2011

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