Dear Friends,

I have written articles and case studies about somatization – also called conversion – whereby the body assumes and expresses physical symptoms because whatever is happening mentally is too intense and painful for the mind to process and express.

I think that somatization is a love affair between body and mind. Since body is an expression of mind, it takes over and expresses what the heart and mind cannot handle. It gives the spirit space to question and reflect. It is, in my opinion, always positive and beneficial. If one makes use of what is being revealed, great realizations and breakthroughs can occur.

Yesterday, it was with gratitude that I discovered that this was happening again to me. I am having a recurrence of a pain condition which had been in remission for many years.

To realize this fact – that one is given “pain” to understand greater truths, is a high spiritual attainment. I share this with you.

Read what follows.

__________________

Reflexive Sympathetic Dystrophy

RSD, now called Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome, was first diagnosed with me when I broke my small toe in 2004. My toe did not heal, and the pain became greater each day. It was opposite what should have been happening with normal healing. And it got so bad I could not tolerate a bedsheet on my leg for many months.

With RSD, the sympathetic nervous system overreacts, and the area involved, usually a hand, leg, or foot, becomes extremely hot and painful. It continues to throb much longer than it should if the healing had been normal.

There are extremes of temperature, swelling, some neurological confusion, and joint pain near the injury.

So, imagine my surprise when I went in for surgery on my ankle two weeks ago. An MRI revealed torn tendons in my heel, and some ligament damage. Not big surgery but still occurring with general anesthesia and the need for pain medication.

But what was puzzling was that my foot and ankle had turned bright red at the end of May and swelled up for no clear reason.

We ruled out a clot or injury, and did many other tests, ruling out bone problems, gout, pseudo gout and soft tissue injury we could not see with a regular MRI or Xray.

Since I was not healing, my doctor insisted I have surgery to repair the tendon tears.

I had surgery on my ankle on July 24.

I have been in a cast for a week and transitioned to a boot that looks like a cross between a Nazi soldier’s boot and Darth Vadar.

And the pain has gotten progressively worse.

Not only in my ankle, but my tummy, which underwent another debridement (clean out of atrophied tissue and scar tissue from sepsis three years ago), and has now become the worst area for suffering this RSD.

RSD usually occurs after surgery of any kind. It usually occurs in an appendage. – foot, leg, hand. But as this occurrence proves, it can occur anywhere. The nervous system can become overly efficient, preventing the body from using its normal healing processes.

My tummy became hard and hot and painful. For a while, in fact, it was so painful, I could not stand a tee shirt on my belly, so I went around with a bra and shorts. And of course, crutches, or a walker.

When visiting my doctor today we put together this picture, and she recommended medicine for nerve pain and calming the nervous system.

I took neuro toxins twenty years ago and I became fat and sluggish, and the pain was not diminished.

So, I said no.

I am hoping against all hope that this episode of weird and unusual symptoms not commensurate with any injury, will dissipate and I will go into remission once again.

But I also realize I am being asked to calm down, to create space in my life for self-reflection, and to consider the next steps on projects waiting in the wings. I am being asked to SLOW DOWN.

And to realize that my relationship with God is much more important than any prior contracts with spirit where I took on other’s pain and suffering to transmute it. To realize that using my body in an alchemical way to heal others was not required any longer. I AM EXHAUSTED.

This contract is a part of my old life, and my new commitment takes enormous bravery and courage to start as baby flesh, brailling my way through it all.

And my body and its various weird responses/diseases need to be met with mercy. And kindness. I am a NEW BEGINNING.

I hurt tonight. My belly and ankle hurt like hell. Still, I refuse medication and take tea and am grateful for the wonderful people who care for me.

Love and gratitude will eventually heal any disease. It happened once. It will happen again.

Love, Gopita